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But is focusing on improving a split second of a sexual experience really going to better that experience overall? In my experience, not really.

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How to enjoy sex more: 7 tips every woman needs to know

But is nejoy on improving a split second of a sexual experience really going to better that experience overall? In my experience, not really. In fact, what probably made them so good was that I was just enjoying the moment instead of worrying about how it would end.

I'm not as good at this as I used to be, though. When I first started having sex, I was on anti-anxiety meds that made it difficult to orgasm, so I figured, why even bother?

I focused on other things, like the sensations and the emotional connection, and it was great. Many asked me what they could do to make me come, which was well-intentioned but ultimately left me feeling like my way of having sex was wrong.

It felt almost like I owed them an orgasm as a token of appreciation and was being ix for denying them it. After going off my meds, I started orgasming with a partner for the first time, and I was super excited about the whole experience. I wanted to do it as much as possible.

Ironically, I got into the exact same mentality that had made me feel inadequate before. And sex got less enjoyable for me.

I was always thinking about what I could do to get to the finish line: what fantasies I could bring in, what I should tell my partner to do, how I should move to get the right angle. I became intent on controlling the experience from the beginning to the end but especially the end. So, I've begun trying to let go of my race-to-the-finish-line mentality, and so far, my sex life has been better for it.

Sex Is More Romantic When you stop focusing on the physical side of sex, you can appreciate the emotional connection iis. Your attention shifts from your own genitals to your partner's face and feelings.

Sex begins to serve a totally different purpose. How it ends doesn't matter so much because the whole thing is enjoyable.

What I am suggesting is that people of all genders redefine what pleasure means.